Not In The Same Way

I need a release

A night away from all of the crap

That has me ripping my hair out.

I text you

You ask when and where.

You always come when I call,

And I think I love you

But we don't talk about that.

The drink you buy me makes me bold

It also makes me lose my inhibitions.

I hold you close on the dance floor

So many parts touching 

But I want more.

Your tongue mixes with mine

Our lips fused together

As your hands rove over me.

Then we're at your place

And it's a race to see who can strip first

Leaving a trail as we go.

You take me higher 

 And higher

  And higher

Until we explode together.

I'm always exhausted after

Not wanting to leave

But I know that's what we do.

I go to leave,

You grab my arm from the bed

But the words don't leave your mouth.

I kiss you again 

You pull me back to you

It leads to me staying later,

A few more marks showing I'm yours

And you're mine

But eventually we're right back where we started.

I gather my things as I go

Like a film being rewound

Watching me walk back to the door 

As I finish by slipping on my shoes.

You're by your door

Watching me go

Until I look at you

Then you come to me, 

Holding me tight against the door

As your lips dance with mine again.

It's right there

That emotion I'm really hoping isn't one-sided.

You kiss me gently 

One last time

And I may as well be ripping my heart out of my chest.

I want you to say it

Want you to ask me to stay

But you don't.

I open the door 

And your hand is on mine

But I can't look at you,

Because if I do

I just might lose it.

I take a deep breath

Knowing this is what we do

And I accepted it a long time ago

But lately it's harder to accept this is it

All that we have

All that we are.

I smile, forcing it

Then I turn to you

And I see you

The real you

Before you smile back.

That. 

That flicker of the real you

That's what's made it harder

Because you look like you give a damn

Like you want me to stay

But that wasn't our rule.

We both agreed,

And now neither of us wants to break it.

I kiss your cheek 

As though I barely know you

Rather than knowing every inch of your skin.

You cradle my head to you

Whispering in my ear

And I'm wishing I were bullet proof 

Because you're the only one that can do this

Shoot me through the heart

A precision shot

That has me bleeding out in your arms

But yet I'll still turn and walk away

Until the next time I text

And then we'll do it all over again

And again

And again.