Smile

You want me to smile

Be sugar and spice

Tell you what you want to hear

Be on my knees 

Always at your disposal -

Not anymore.

You broke me

Shoved me aside

And yet

Now you have the balls to tell me 

I owe you

That I'm hurting you

The same way you hurt me.

Bullshit.

You don't get to complain 

For the ways I learned to survive

You.

I do have a big heart and yes

I would have been different before

But not now.

I learned to close off emotion

To deal with it when I was having bad days

I had to shut down

Becoming such a shell of a person

I have walls that could rival Fort Knox.

So no

I won't comfort you

My abuser

As you now try and pin those walls on me

Saying I'm a hypocrite 

That I don't care

As you attempt to manipulate me

Into giving you exactly what I asked for

And never received. 

Smile

Be soft

Give and give and give.

Not anymore.

This smile is earned

And you certainly haven't. 

My softness is earned

So enjoy the spikes you get.

Take, take, take

Because I practically died 

Giving you everything 

And yet, you're still here

Demanding more.

Let me show you one last smile 

As I tell you I'm done.

Your manipulation 

Your constant gaslighting

Your telling me one thing

While actually wanting something else,

The constant double standard,

I'm done.

You're right,

I know it hurts

But I died asking for your help

As you watched

Refusing to lift a finger.

You love to say I burn bridges 

At the drop of a hat

Allow me to drop one last match.